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Wondering what happened to all the nice guys? I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out. What happened to all the nice guys? (And yes, I realize this applies to women AND men equally) The answer is simple: you did. See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a platonic guy who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you. At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you denied having any romantic feelings for him, and restated your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basiy be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, or stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease. Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, or even worse, told you how his feelings for you had changed to something more serious. As your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, you spent less and less time with him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?" Well, once again, you did. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without , in kind, with intimacy. Or maybe you did use him for intimacy once or twice, but never crossed that emotional frontier. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; send flowers, or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be. Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a small handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that. So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do: 1.) Realize that now, it's your fault you can't find a nice guy. 2.) If another nice guy stumbles into your life, do your best to hang on to him. Even if he's not what you want now, he will be. Trust in that. I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you. So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't want you, now. Sincerely, A Former Nice Guy
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